"Em, Quietly Contemplating Motherhood"
Oil, Gouache, Charcoal & Polaroid Emulsion Lifts on Panel
24 x 24 inches
2021
Oil, Gouache, Charcoal & Polaroid Emulsion Lifts on Panel
24 x 24 inches
2021
"Ode to Dear Margaret (the voice in her head)"
Oil, Gouache, Charcoal & Image Transfers on Canvas
22 x 39 inches
2021
Oil, Gouache, Charcoal & Image Transfers on Canvas
22 x 39 inches
2021
in moments of unraveling:
gritting teeth
hair pulling
eye rubbing
scratching
curling up
letting go
Over time, our bodies become a time capsule with visible residue of our history such as scars from wounds, stretch marks from rapid growth and wrinkles from aging. My work in analog photography and mixed media painting brings a black light to the surface by exposing the unseen fragments and trauma that womxn’s bodies accumulate. These layered works simultaneously honor the moment of unraveling, desires of escapism and the act carrying on as usual, as womxn most often do as society expects of them.
Through a process of layering, deconstruction, reckoning, and accumulation of imperfect marks upon the female figure, the story of their inescapable anxiety is told. Initially photographed in an anxious state, the figure and the moment in which it was taken from is transferred and transformed within a new surface and space. Within a newfound context, their tortuous experiences transcend the trajectory of anxiety to a beautifully broken sanctuary.
gritting teeth
hair pulling
eye rubbing
scratching
curling up
letting go
Over time, our bodies become a time capsule with visible residue of our history such as scars from wounds, stretch marks from rapid growth and wrinkles from aging. My work in analog photography and mixed media painting brings a black light to the surface by exposing the unseen fragments and trauma that womxn’s bodies accumulate. These layered works simultaneously honor the moment of unraveling, desires of escapism and the act carrying on as usual, as womxn most often do as society expects of them.
Through a process of layering, deconstruction, reckoning, and accumulation of imperfect marks upon the female figure, the story of their inescapable anxiety is told. Initially photographed in an anxious state, the figure and the moment in which it was taken from is transferred and transformed within a new surface and space. Within a newfound context, their tortuous experiences transcend the trajectory of anxiety to a beautifully broken sanctuary.
In response to the toll the Covid-19 pandemic has taken on mothers, the following images were all taken on medium format film.
unfulfillment
|
postpartum, uncertain & surrounded by mess
Wearing a heart monitor at the age of 34, it's only stress
wearing a heart monitor at age 34, because stress.
double exposure, with wet on wet ink
|
she fills her spaces with years of stuff
unable to let go 
Face mask & anti-depressants, 2020
face mask & anti-depressants, 2020
checked into a hotel room to be alone
|
"If She Could Do It All, She Would"
Oil, Gouache, Charcoal & Image Transfers on Canvas
23 x 40 inches
We are wholeheartedly imperfect, yet endlessly reaching for the opposite as society never stops expecting this of us. Through the process of layering, deconstructing, scratching, and exploring imperfect marks upon the female figure, this mixed media painting is a portrayal of the anxiety womxn and mothers experience. The voices in our head and the building of pressure is all-consuming - inwardly and out. The work is a combination of documentation and improvisation as marks were made to track, keep a score of disquietude while most other components were created in reaction to one another.
Oil, Gouache, Charcoal & Image Transfers on Canvas
23 x 40 inches
We are wholeheartedly imperfect, yet endlessly reaching for the opposite as society never stops expecting this of us. Through the process of layering, deconstructing, scratching, and exploring imperfect marks upon the female figure, this mixed media painting is a portrayal of the anxiety womxn and mothers experience. The voices in our head and the building of pressure is all-consuming - inwardly and out. The work is a combination of documentation and improvisation as marks were made to track, keep a score of disquietude while most other components were created in reaction to one another.
In the piece below, "The Onlookers, Breaking Open", a space has been created that honors the anxiety that stems from the Strong Black Womxn complex. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), data has shown that for Black womxn, anxiety is more chronic and intense than for White people. In many situations, they have been told that they are the first and therefore must be the best, or twice as good while everyone is watching them. The pressure that this experience builds is unnerving and real. The layering of imperfect marks, scratching away from its surface and tallies of score - are pieces to process what this experience must be like, or how I envision it to be because I can’t possibly know what this must be like.
Oil, charcoal, graphite & image transfers on canvas, 20 x 26 inches
"An Accumulation of Split Seconds Until She Made It Here"
Oil, Gouache, Charcoal & Image Transfers on Canvas
30 x 33 inches
Similar to stretch marks, scars and wrinkles, what if we had marks all over our bodies that traced the remnants of our past experiences and memories?
What if they are there already, but we can't quite see them?
Layers upon layers of memories and encounters, piled up among us
Our bodies become time capsules themselves.
Andrea Jensen, a Baltimore artist and tattoo artist, is having a full circle moment in her life right now. This person is the definition of glowing. Yet in these portraits, she shares an incredible letter she wrote to the voice in her head, to her former ‘sick’ self, named Margaret. A personal planner is shown that had been a self tormenting tool for needing to mark off every single thing that she had done each day, to validate her self worth. After the week of March 22, she found out she had become pregnant and the pages went blank.
“There was a time not long ago that anxiety ruled both my mind and body. Illness coursed through me and took reign over my life. I was forced to put my dream of motherhood on hold to recover and be immersed in self discovery and love. It was as if once I found myself again, the baby found me, too. Pregnancy has only further calmed my anxious mind and presented countless new reasons to love and care for myself. I have my moments of worry, and sad days, but more notably I have an inner peace as my life unfolds in the way I had for so long wished it would.” - Andrea Jensen
Medium Fortmat Film/120, 2020
Self-Portraits, Summer 2020.
Digital
Digital